so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
