yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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