i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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