I love black thongs
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
