there's paper in my vomit.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We were destined to go to rehab together
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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