I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
