remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
