am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
