He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
