she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize