After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
