I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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