tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
