i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
