I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
