need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
