I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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