we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
