i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
