So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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