ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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