so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
