I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You may now shotgun with the bride
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
