meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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