so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
