And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
