sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
