I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
