I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so let's talk penis.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My vagina is very pro this idea
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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