yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
