bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
