Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize