Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Alive.
So much puke
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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