2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
