Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize