I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
