Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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