Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
