so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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