One girl and one boy is just not enough.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
