my room smells like sperm. sweet.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
