Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
