she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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