Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
