When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
