I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
