I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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