Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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