we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
