I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
