the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She even gives head with a lisp.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
