turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
