He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
