Having a random hookup so left but love u
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
