Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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