Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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