Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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