i think i have two assholes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
