drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
