I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
