We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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