do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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