Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She's JV to your varsity
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize