That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
