Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
