hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
wow bdsm is so cute
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