I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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