He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think your dad took our porno
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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